Tuesday, April 18, 2006

One Week and Counting...

Well a week from today, I will be boarding a plane to go to Moscow. I will spend my last night in Russia in Moscow awaiting my flight home. Although I will be alone my last night in Russia, I think it will be a great way to reflect over the experience before I leave it behind forever. This last week, I predict, will be really crazy. I have a lot of things to do. I have to pack, to finish shopping for gifts, to hold my last classes, to say goodbye to my students and friends, and to try and get as much pictures as I can. However, I wanted to take some time and write some closing words for this blog. I know that I haven't been the best blogger out there, but I've tried to capture the most important aspects of my time here in Russia. I hope that one day, I'll be able to read over everything I've posted here and remember what I felt and thought at the time I was writing the posts.

I'm not sure if I'll continue to post anything on this blog after I return home or in whatever I do after that. In fact, I have no idea really what I'll be doing in the near future. I have a few plans/ideas/options, but nothing is soundproof and nothing is set in stone. The next few months are going to be very challenging for me (maybe even more so then my time here in Russia) but I am looking forward to the future. For the first time in my life, I'm looking at a period of uncertainty with no fear. I feel as though I've grown as a person and am ready to face whatever my life has in store for me... Honestly I don't think I would feel this way if it hadn't been for my time here.

I'm not going to lie and say that my time here was what I wanted it to be, because it really wasn't. There are many things that I wish were different or that I could've changed about my trip here; however, that is not to say that this trip will not/has not effected my life. I guess if this trip would've turned out to be how I had imagined, I might not have learned as much as I did. You see before I came I had this sort of romantic view as to how my trip would turn out. After talking to several different people who had the experience of teaching and living abroad, I figured my trip would be as good as there's (and maybe in the years to come, I'll feel differently about it overall) but right now I have to say that I have mixed feelings about my time here.

Firstly, I'm so happy that I came here, which I guess is the most important thing, because I've learned so much about myself and the world. Truthfully, I feel that I've changed from the person I was and that is the most important thing to me. I've learned so much about myself in my time here, and that really is the greatest gift I received from being here. Still, though, I wish that I could've done more, seen more, felt more like a teacher and taught my students more urgent/interesting information, and overall did all that I could to live each day to the fullest here (I guess in some way I did the way that I know best, so I'm content with that). Really it would take me forever to really express everything in writing, and when I get home I may not want to express much in speech either. Not that I don't think all those reading this aren't interested, but I just don't think many of you, if any, would truly understand everything I think or feel because I don't yet.

As I said before, I have very mixed feelings about leaving this part of my life behind, but overall I'm ready. I'm ready to see what life has in store for me, what I can make out of myself, what I can do for this crazy fucked up world we call home, and what I can do to better it and the people that live in it. Challenges are ahead for me, and really all of us because that is what life is made up of, but at least I know now that I can handle practically anything and at the end look back on it and smile. So for all the "bad" times I had here -not having water for days at a time, freezing my ass off in -28 C weather for a month, eating the same thing day in and day out, and feeling completely and utterly alone a lot of the time - all I can do is smile and know that I got through them.

So this isn't as well stated as I would have like it to be, but I think right at the present moment I don't have the time nor the strength to write everything down. Perhaps some day, I will be able to better express to others all of this. For now all I can say is that I enjoyed parts, I struggled throught times, but at the end of an often frustrating, annoying, but beautiful seven months I lived and I'll continue living no matter what comes my way!

I look forward to seeing you all when I return home, for however long that is :)...



At 7:58 AM, Blogger Riekena said...

Update damn you, UPDATE!!!


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