Tuesday, November 29, 2005

It's back, I think...

My ability to write in an understandable way has returned, or at least I think it has. In all honesty, it probably hasn't but oh well. I'm still having trouble writing creatively, even though I have a million different ideas rolling around in my head. If you've ever wondered why I'm silent a lot of the times, well here's your answer: I have a billion and one things floating haphazardly in my head, so its often hard to pick one out and focus on that...most of the time when I do, it has nothing to do with anything. This is why instead of opening my mouth, I remain silent, which many of you think is rude. Its not rude, it would be rude if I always said the first thing that comes to my mind -well, it wouldn't be rude but many of you would stop talking to me all together. Moving on, see what did I tell you, I let one little thing out of my head and it makes no sense at all. Perhaps, I'm finally crossing that threshold I fought off for so long. Oh well, good-bye sanity, you're over rated anyway.

Blah, blah, blah, that's what everything in my head is telling me right now. I'm sorry if you read that first paragraph and didn't understand a damn word I was saying. Truthfully, I just wrote it and completely forgot what it was about or how it had to do with anything that I set out to write. Let's ignore the preceding paragraph and focus on what's to come. Ok, give me a minute to think of what to write. So much has happened since the last time I wrote anything substantial on this blog. It's a lot harder to keep a blog updated than one would think. Sorry, I just got distracted because the light right above my head is going out, and it's making this nifty little light show above my head. I'm totally distracted by it right now...you see how my mind works. I deal with this everyday: Now its even worse because at times, I'm thinking in three different languages!!!

The light show has ended so let me get down to business. If you're still reading this I apologize because so far it isn't making much sense. On the other hand, its your dumbass that keeps reading. God, get a life! Joking! Don't get all offended and hurt... Man, I can't write in peace here, because I was once again drawn away from this entry. It seems like something doesn't want me to finish this blog. I don't know why, but I keep getting interrupted. First, the light, which is still flickering and casting an empty echo down my way, and then I got like three text messages all in a row. Its really inconvenient for someone who isn't used to testing to text, I just want to know why they just can't call me?...it may have something to do with the fact that I still sound like I'm going to kill myself when I'm talking on the phone (something will never change).

Two months down, and little less than five to go. Its odd to think about such things. In a way I'm ready to return home now, but in a way I'm afraid to have to return in five months. Everything I left at home will still be there and many things will be the same way I left them, but I'll be very different. Not to mention the hundred and one things that I have to accomplish when I return. Like figuring out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, including but not limited too applying for graduate schools, finding a new job/career, and picking up the pieces of my financial stability. I think about all these things and am frightened, so I have to stop myself and say, "hey, James. Calm down. You've got at least a good four months before you even have to worry about this crap." Yet, that doesn't always push the thoughts out of my mind. It makes me tired often to think about... I'll cross all those bridges when I get to them, even if I have to hike my pants up to my knees to get to the other side.

What's new with me? That's probably what many of you want to know. Sorry, its taken so long for me to get to that today. I have a lot of shit filling my head, so I had to expel some of it. My head is somewhat, and I use that word very loosely, clearer now. Hum...well I haven't done anything too exciting lately. Just living a normal life for me, here at least. I wake up go to classes or the department, work until about five everyday, and then hangout with someone or just go to my room to relax. The only eventful thing that even is registering in my mind is that in late December I'll be going to Moscow and taking the GRE (most likely). Alina is trying to apply for graduate school in the States, remember she attended undergraduate there for awhile, and so she must take the GRE. It works out just fine that she needs to take it, because now I have a study buddie, plus the chance to go to Moscow. Two birds, one stone. I get to go to Moscow and see the city, but at the same time I'm there on business as well. We're still trying to work out the details, but I'm sure we'll be there for Christmas, our Christmas that is.

Other than that, I've just shared a lot of time hanging out with many different people. I met a guy, a friend of Dima's, who lived in the States for 9 years when he was younger and he still has the accent. It really threw me off at first to talk with him, because I felt that I was speaking with someone from home. Every time I heard him speak Russian to the other guys, I had to stop and think, "yes James, you're still in Russia." It was good to talk with him though, because its just nice to hear a voice that sounds familiar.

Well, I guess that's it for now. See I told you I it wasn't spectacular. However, maybe when I go to Moscow, I'll have more new things to report. I'm settling down here, and everything is just becoming a part of life, well my Russian life.


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